Why We Hate

My sister and I have different (and sometimes opposing) views on many topics. Despite our differences, we manage to have honest, respectful conversations. (And we end our phone calls, with ‘I love you’.)

Last week, she asked me why I thought there was so much hate in the world.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

Perhaps it’s because of the lies we surround ourselves with.

We believe the words of commentators instead of journalists. We believe medical advice given by non-medical doctors. We believe nutritional information provided by social media influencers instead of dietitians.

We determine our self worth by comparing ourselves to others.

We believe the size of our body, the color of our skin, our education, our profession, our ‘busyness’, the homes we live in, the cars we drive, the clothes we wear, the number of miles we run, the number of likes we get, determine our value.

We hate because of what others have and we don’t.

We use the Bible to judge others and justify our hate, conveniently forgetting the two most important commandments.

When confronted with views that don’t mirror our own, we get angry. We make excuses. We look for exceptions. We surround ourselves with people who support our beliefs. And close our eyes and ears to those who don’t.

We dig in deeper. We talk louder.

We ignore truth.

Would it be different if we chose truth?

If we had conversations instead of arguments? If we asked questions instead of making assumptions?

What if we listened with humility instead of judgement? If we acknowledged the value of others regardless of our differences? If we accepted responsibility instead of pointing our finger?

Perhaps we hate because hating is easier than loving.

Loving means being kind. Being patient. Being accepting.

It means having difficult conversations. It means holding others accountable. It means holding yourself accountable.

All while being kind, patient and accepting. (That’s not asking much, is it?)

Maybe we hate because we are frustrated by the lack of consequences and the absence of justice.

Or because we don’t feel seen or heard or accepted.

Or because we feel the hate of others.

What if we stopped being bystanders to hate? If we stopped going along because of our need to belong? If we chose to use our voice and let our actions reflect what was right, even at the risk of offending the group to which we belong?

What if we accepted responsibility for the role we have played and chose to do better?

Are you looking for…

  • a book to read? I recommend Winning the War in Your Mind by Craig Groeschel. 2021 was not my best year. Struggled quite a bit. Didn’t handle it well. I told myself blogging was off limits until I had read the book and did the work required. Thank you to those who encouraged me to keep writing. I truly appreciate you.
  • a recipe to impress? Oh, you have to give these a try. The fancy name is Kardemummabullar. (I prefer to call them Swedish Cardamom buns, because that’s a whole lot easier for me to pronounce.) They are like cinnamon rolls dressed up for a night out. And they really are quite simple to make. Honest. I veganized these by subbing Earth Balance for the butter and almond milk for the whole milk.
  • words to ponder? “The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it’s that they know so many things that just aren’t so.” ~ Mark Twain

2 thoughts on “Why We Hate

  1. Yay! The blog is back! I’ve missed it, and I’ve missed your wise words. You are always spot-on. I can’t count how many times I’ve told my kids they can’t be bystanders. They need to speak up and do the right thing.

    I read an interesting article about being open-minded. Most of us want to say we are open-minded, but being so means you are willing to listen and possibly change your point-of-view if the other side has compelling information. Most people are not willing to change their POV. They talk to convince others their POV is correct, and if they can’t persuade others they talk louder or get angry. That is not open-minded.


  2. Thank you for being my encourager! You have a special gift. I appreciate you.

    I would love to read that article! “Most of us want to say we are open-minded…”. Wow. That made me do some serious reflecting. Encourages me to stick my neck out and say, “Convince me…”. What a way to start a conversation!


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